The Annoying Part About Consistency

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Consistency is so annoying because I know I can do it.

That’s the part that pisses me off.

It would almost be easier if I was just fully terrible at routines. Like if I tried once, hated it immediately, and could be like, “Okay, cool, not for me.” But no. My brain likes to give me just enough proof that I’m capable before it wanders off like a toddler in a grocery store.

I’ve been trying to get better with my skincare routine, and to be fair to myself, I am doing better than I was. I need to say that first before I start dragging myself, because there has been progress. I have little streaks. I have proof. I have a screenshot that basically says, “She was doing so good for a second there.”

And that’s exactly what makes it annoying.

I’ll be good for half a week. Four days. Maybe almost a full week if everything lines up right and my brain decides to be a team player. I’ll wash my face, do the little steps, feel like maybe I’m finally becoming someone who has a routine, and then it just starts slipping.

Not even in some dramatic way.

It just slowly peeters off.

One night I’m too tired. One morning I forget. Then the day gets away from me. Then suddenly it’s been two days, and my skincare routine feels like something I used to do in another lifetime.

And then eventually I start again.

Which is good. I know that’s good. I’d rather keep coming back to it than completely abandon it. But there is something so frustrating about watching myself go hard for a few days and then not being able to just… keep going.

Because if I’m already doing it, why can’t I just keep doing it?

That question makes me want to throw a tiny chair.

I think that’s the part that gets lost when people talk about consistency. It’s not always about not caring. It’s not always laziness. It’s not always “you just need more discipline,” which is one of those phrases that makes me want to put my head through drywall.

Sometimes I care a lot.

Sometimes I want the routine. I like the routine. I feel better when I do it. I know it only takes a few minutes. I know I’ll be glad I did it. I know all of that, and somehow my brain still drops it like it was never holding it in the first place.

That’s the ADHD of it all.

It’s not that I don’t know what I need to do. Most of the time, I know exactly what I need to do. I just can’t always get myself to do it at the right time, in the right order, with enough focus, before my brain decides the day is over because it’s 8pm and apparently we are no longer accepting tasks.

And then the guilt shows up.

Because missing one day should not feel like a personal failure, but sometimes it does. One missed night of skincare somehow turns into this whole internal court case where my brain starts presenting evidence that I can’t stick to anything.

Which is very dramatic considering we are talking about moisturizer.

But that’s how it feels sometimes. Like every little routine I drop becomes proof of some bigger flaw. Never mind that I did it four days in a row. Never mind that I came back to it. Never mind that doing it inconsistently is still better than not doing it at all.

My brain sees the gap and ignores the effort around it.

And I think that’s what I’m trying to stop doing.

Because when I look at the screenshot, I can see the inconsistency. Obviously. I can see the little streaks and the places where it drops off. But I can also see that I’m trying. I can see that I keep coming back. I can see that it’s not nothing.

It’s just not perfect.

And maybe that’s the part I need to get over.

I want consistency to look clean. I want the calendar to fill in perfectly. I want a long streak that makes me feel like I finally unlocked the version of myself who does what she says she’s going to do.

But real life doesn’t always look like that, especially when your brain runs on side quests, time blindness, and vibes.

Sometimes consistency looks like four days on, two days off, then starting again before you disappear for three months. Sometimes it looks like almost keeping a routine instead of fully losing it. Sometimes the win is not the perfect streak, it’s the fact that you came back faster than you used to.

That doesn’t feel as satisfying, but maybe it counts more than I give it credit for.

Because the old version of me would probably have missed a few days and decided the whole thing was ruined. Very “well, the streak is broken, might as well abandon myself entirely” energy.

I’m trying not to do that.

I’m trying to let the gaps exist without turning them into a whole identity crisis. I’m trying to stop acting like missing a day means I failed the routine. Maybe it just means I missed a day. Annoying, yes. Deeply rude, yes. But not fatal.

The routine can still be there the next day.

That’s probably what I need to learn more than anything. How to make routines easy to return to instead of easy to abandon. How to let “some of it” count. How to stop making the full perfect version the only version that matters.

Because some nights, the full skincare routine is not happening. Some nights my brain is fried, my body is tired, and asking myself to do every little step feels like trying to climb a mountain in pajamas.

So maybe those nights don’t need to be all or nothing.

Maybe washing my face counts.

Maybe moisturizer counts.

Maybe doing one tiny part of the routine is still better than going, “Well, I didn’t do it perfectly, so never mind.”

I hate that I have to negotiate with myself like this, but apparently I do. Fine. We negotiate.

Because the goal is not to become some flawless skincare girl overnight. The goal is to be a little more consistent than I was before. A little more aware. A little quicker to come back when I fall off.

And if I’m being fair, I am doing that.

It’s just messy.

It’s not the clean little habit tracker fantasy. It’s not perfect pink boxes in a row. It’s more like, “Okay, she disappeared for a second, but she came back.”

And honestly, maybe that’s still progress.

Maybe consistency is less about never falling off and more about not letting falling off become the end of the story.

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So yes, I’m annoyed.

I want the routine to stick. I want my brain to cooperate. I want to stop having to restart things I already started.

But I’m also trying. And for once, I’m trying not to make the gaps louder than the effort.

Because there is effort here.

Even if it’s uneven.

Even if it’s half a week at a time.

Even if my skincare calendar looks like my motivation has commitment issues.

I’m still coming back to it.

And maybe that’s the habit I’m actually building first.

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Sometimes the habit isn’t doing it perfectly. Sometimes the habit is learning how to come back without punishing yourself first.

Talk soon, Kass ☕🌿